it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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