i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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