bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
