so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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