I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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