did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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