Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
this will be a night to untag.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
