I just saw a hot homeless man
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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