your parents love me but you hate me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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