why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
