I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize