I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
