kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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