ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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