I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
