Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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