so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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