In the future we'll all be gay
I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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