He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
