So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
