I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
