I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
