I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
