I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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