I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
