you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
