the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
