The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
