ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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