I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
