also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Randomize
