i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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