Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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