I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
