They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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