Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
