i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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