Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize