I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
