I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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