I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
