I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize