Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
