If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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