Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
