So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You left your phone here
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