I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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