One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
