All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
