I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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