You can't motorboat a personality
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
