***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize