Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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