I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize