I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
