They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
