I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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