You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
