The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
