I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
