Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
