do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
