What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
