Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
