I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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