Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
