but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
