but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
