Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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