Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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