the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize