You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
