she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
