maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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