I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
