if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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